I was almost cool..

Besides having the crazy little voice in my head driving me to do something I really shouldn't .. most of my stupidly attempted death defying feats are usually instigated by one of my friends and their maniacal hopes to see me once again enter the pain cave. This time was no different. It all started with my friend BJ saying, "we can do this".

On one of our rides through Loch Raven we came upon a downed tree. The tree must have just fallen recently because it wasn't there the last time we were there. I was in the middle of the group but as we rode past the tree i saw BJ looking over at it and I knew it wasn't going to turn out good for me. It was early on in the the ride and when we all re-grouped at the typical re-grouping point the tree started to be discussed. BJ' started with "You see that downed tree back there?" Yup... "We should try that on the way back" I knew that was coming. damn him. So we go up to the speed loop then start making out way back and I knew the tree was coming up. I was leading so I tried to shoot past it like I forgot or didn't know it was coming up but BJ didn't forget. He knew where that damn thing was and stopped the rest of the group, yelled up to me and I was trapped.

Now, I knew I didn't have to try it but usually it's the whole come on man we can do this. I'll try if you will, and then I'm suckered in. I have to try it at the point. You know, otherwise you are a punk. That's what friends are there for right? Putting you in dangerous situations and then laughing at your misery when you fail horribly.

Said tree in question was probably about 12 feet long, well at least the ride-able section of it. It was about an average of three feet off the ground. Someone had built up some wood and rocks as a ramp to mount the log (yeah that's right, I said mount the log!). So I'm standing there looking at this thing thinking it's not that high but damn.. riding a tree is not something I attempt very often. BJ makes the first attempt, gets up onto the log and rides about a foot then hops off. Nice man, good job. My turn, oh well. Here goes. I ride up to the ramp and take it perfectly. I'm on the log and riding smoothly down it but I'm not pedaling. I'm just coasting. In my head I guess I thought pedaling would have been a bad idea but I needed more speed. I must have been in shock that I actually got up there and was doing ok .. and as such my head appeared to think that it was all or nothing. Don't just hop off the log and ride away looking like a Bad Ass. Nope, for some reason I was trying to ride the whole length of the tree. I got about eight feet down the tree and then my bike came to a stop. I just stood there for a second or two cliped in thinking what the hell am I going to do? If you said pedal, nope that would have made sense. Did you say hop off the log like you mentioned? Nope. I chose the third option which was to just fall over sideways. On the ground that's no biggy but when you are three feet off the ground plus the bike height it's not so fun. So like the tree I was attempting to ride I slowly but surely leaned to the side and started picking up speed. All that was missing was TIMBER!. BAM.. on the ground. I pretty much landed full on my knee and hip.

But did that stop me? Hell NO ! .. I jumped right back up! My friends were in the midst of the obligatory " Are you ok Man?" which then leads to the typical laughter followed by the " You should have done _________ whatever it was I should have done". But this time I hardly heard them, I was so mad that I had ridden the thing for a good distance and instead of just hopping off one shoting my first log ride I froze up and toppled over like a tool. So I road back and went for it again, now mad and determined to clean this thing. But as I hit the log I realized mad and determined where not what I needed. Anger pretty much wipes away any chance of pulling off said obstacle or trick. I hit the log with way too much speed, road a wheelie about 2 feet until I then went left again but this time flipping the bike out from under me and landing flat on my back. That one hurt, bad. But thankfully I had my camelback on which acted some what as a cushion. But again I pop'd back up. Now super Mad and annoyed that this inanimate object was beating me! I will win this here battle LOG, Oh yes I will! So again I go back to try one more time. I get up on the log but I'm too far to the side and go shooting off, I love my clipless pedals but they do make it hard to leap off the bike when floating above the ground. I crash in a heap and hit my hip again but it will not stop me, I shall prevail. At this point my friends are not laughing, they are now pleading me not to keep at it. "Dude you are going to kill yourself" "Please stop" ... one more try. I go at it again but I don't even have the strength to make it up the ramp thing. I kinda just jump off it and thankfully land on my wheels. I'm sore and exhausted and to my friends relief done with the log ride. what BJ started my hard head finished.

I never tried that damn log again but every time from then on as I rode by it I cussed it out. Like it was a bully from the schoolyard. Thinking, Odoul, I see something really bad happening to you ala Billy Madison. And now as I ride by it, it's nothing more then a decaying piece of wood in sections of about two feet long at max. And I think, who's laughing now LOG!

Way way back ..

Don't know what made me think of it but the other day I was thinking about the time I decided it would be a good idea to try a back flip. All I can say is damn you RAD! It was pretty close to when that movie came out, I remember watching that and thinking wow this movie is SOOO awesome. If you have watched it, and you too remember it as being such an awesome movie then I have two things to say.
1) The bike parts are still pretty awesome, outdated but still slick.
2) Don't stare directly into the 80s. Other then the bike parts the movie is pretty horrible. But I guess that was pretty much the typical 80s movie at the time. Horrible music ( minus Send me an Angel ) and fashion. I don't know where "those" people were but I love the prom scene and the twins where they're wearing the hard V suits. money.

Ok sorry, back to the back flip. Well if you've seen RAD then you know that the BF was THE trick in the movie and at the time. You did a back flip and you pretty much dripped awesome.

So there I am in my back alley on my Columbia Muscle Frame bike. What you don't remember it? Oh it was a fine steed, made of the highest quality Cast Iron and filled with lead to increase it's ride quality. That damn thing was a tank, but it was an upgrade from my Huffy Desperado with banana seat. I know what you are thinking, damn this guy and all his dream bikes. I know I know.. I was a playa at 8 to 12 years old.

So me and two friends out in the alley did what most kids did. We built ramps. And by built I mean we found some bricks/cinder blocks and a hunk of wood and built our triangle of fun. No transition and of course no nails or screws to hold it together. I mean who needs all that. So we are uber cool jumping our danger ramp over and over for hours on end. Amazing how fun that seemed. I think the coolest trick I might have sort of pulled off was a one footer but can't remember. It was mostly tailwhips of the weakest sort but hey, you try a tailwhip with a bike filled with lead and see how you do! As the "session" goes on my friend Bill tells me that I'm getting super high! And now looking back I don't know what super high really could have been off a two foot high triangle but at the time I was stoked. Also I don't know if he was just screwing with me but he did seem genuine and with that said "man you could probably do a back flip". Why did he have to say that. I mean really. That might have been the beginning of the little voice.... "you're the man".

So I took a few more normal runs pulling up as hard as I could which got me "you are really high now". I don't know why I thought "real" high was the only requirement for pulling a flip. I mean it doesn't require skill, knowledge of what you are doing, a real bike and a real ramp? Nope, not at 12, you just go high and snap. BACK FLIP.

So I go way way back. I want a lot of speed. Real high plus real fast sounds like the right equalization to equal back flip right? So off I go, pedaling with everything I have. I hit the triangle of death and launch pulling up and leaning back as hard as I can. For a oh so brief moment I feel as though I'm RAD. But that moment ended so fast it was like it hadn't even happened. To my credit I did get it to start rotating. Of course it was no where near a full rotation, all it did was make my impending doom that much more hurtful. Real high does seem to be a requirement but I was not real high. I was 12 year old goof high and that pretty much equals pain. Not really sure where I was but the bars were level with the ground all be it upside down. The wheel didn't have enough space to come under me as I was only 12 year old high so that really only equaled face plant. I of course wasn't wearing a helmet or any other type of protection other then a t shirt and jeans. I can't truly recall what happened after the initial impact but thankful my bike must have launched itself back up and over my spinning broken form. Unlucky for me the alley is made of concrete which isn't forgiving and it's kind of V shaped so water can run down and out of the alley. Or in this case settle in the middle where I lay bleeding and unconscious, now soaked in some wonderful fetid water. I was dripping something all right but it sure wasn't awesome.

Next thing I know my Mom is half carrying half dragging my butt into the house. Bill ran into my house and got my Mom which was nice.. with what I'm sure he saw I'm surprised he didn't run home. Amazingly I didn't break anything. Nothing. I don't know how that happened but I more then made up for it with the amount of skin I tore off my face, shoulder, left arm, hip and legs. I was pretty much stunned the rest of the night.

But in true 12 year old form the next morning I got up and went out back to check the damage to the Muscle Frame. Other then the bars being scratched it was in perfect shape. See and you thought filling it with Lead was a bad idea. That night we were jumped the triangle of dead again, I mean why wouldn't you? Wasn't like it almost killed me or anything. I did receive praise from my friends for the try. Which I can't say the same for the kid that night who had the misfortune of having the hunk of wood slip off the cinder blocks as he hit the lip. He got no praise at all, which is surprising as he actually did pull out a flip.

I've never ridden anything like this before

Famous last words, a few years back my friend Jay and I decided to hit a different trail and went to Robert E Lee (it's a sort of Park, sort of woods on the side of the road type thing) here in Maryland. It's not a super XC trail but there are a ton of jumps and few other fun things to ride. We drop in and start through some of the trails, going here and there pretty much just exploring anything that even remotely looks like a trail. After a few decent finds and more then a few terrible ideas we started to head back but we decided to head over to the jumps. These have been here awhile and from the transitions were setup to be BMX jumps so they are a little tight for our 26in wheels. Still we hit a few and moved on to the dirt half pipe, it actually looks like a 20 foot deep rut in the ground that’s been worked here and there to make some nice transitions. This was all pretty new to me, I switched over from BMX to skating back in the day so I really hadn’t ridden any half pipe style ramps before. You can really only jump out of one side of the pipe so we’d cross, drop in, grab some air and then repeat. From a standing start we were getting around 3 foot of air with little effort. After the 5th jump or so while crossing back over I yelled out to Jay, “Wow this is sweet, I’ve never ridden anything like this before”. And there it was, I called down the thunder, I just assured myself a grizzly demise. This time I didn’t stop to turn and drop in, nope I came out of the ramp rode to the right around a tree and back with speed. Too much speed, way too much speed, somehow it had snuck in there “I’m the man”. I didn’t hit the transition until I was at the bottom and that was the first indication of trouble, a 15 foot free fall set off a warning. By the time I got to the opposite transition I knew I was over, big time. I flew out of the pipe like a rocket. I knew I was in trouble but have to admit it still felt damn cool. I had no idea how high I was and was trying to level out the bike but I over compensated. I nose dived and landed hard on my bars. The force was a bit too much for my left arm and it buckled, hello handlebars, how have you been. I came down hard on the bars catching my left shoulder and proceeded to flip. I spun to the left landing on my shoulder, chest and head ( I’ve pieced the last bit together from Jay’s information and the position I ended up in, I don’t remember any of that bit. For me it was just “ Oh Snit “). The next thing I remember is Jay slapping my face and asking if I was ok. I knocked myself clean out and was out for about 5 to 10 secs I guess. I of course couldn’t answer as I had no air in my lungs to form a response so I just gurgled, waved and counted the stars floating about. Once I started to realize I was still alive and that I could move I started to look around. Where did all these people come from? When we were riding we seriously only saw 2 people, now I had 12 plus people ogling. I had hikers, bikers and kids all around me. Some smirking, some concerned and for the kids it was confusion. One asked “what happened to him?, my boy Jay being a tool tells them he just kicked my butt. Jay now realizing I was alive had fulfilled his duty of friendship and now could laugh at my pain. The kids were shocked, he laughed and said ”just kidding, he fell”. So there I sit, stunned and now with a growing crowd feeling more and more like a goon ,so I hopped up and brushed myself off. This broke the crowd out of their mesmerized observation of the crazy mountain biker who had smashed himself up. And now with no hope of more drama they decide to dissipate. After most of them had moved off Jay started laughing and said “only you man, you were seriously over 7 feet high! You could have jumped me! It looked pretty good until you landed on your handlebars.” “Why did you go in so fast?” I said I didn’t know but I did, I’m not the man. After a few more minutes of recover time we started to head out of the trail. I was riding a bit slower but I was still riding out so I call that a win!

We get back to the cars and start to pack up shop. I put the bike on the rack and load up the gear in the hatch. I look down and realize I’m filthy. I’m not going to get in the car with muddy sweat all over me so I take off my jersey and shorts. I still have my squeezers on so at least I’m not neked. I forgot to bring a change of cloths so I guess it’s going to be a squeezer only ride home. Me and Jay finish up with the typical “good ride” and head out. I get on the beltway and start heading home. I’m starting to stiffen up a little bit but not feeling too bad for falling 7 feet onto my head. Still, was a fun ride and have another story to add to my annuals. So there I am, driving home. Everything status quo. Or is it? I look over to my left and a guy in an Audi is staring at me. HARD. So I look back at him, I mean what the hell? I didn’t cut him off or anything. I’m just a dude with a bike on top of his car, that’s not so strange. Whatever, not going to worry about him. So on I go. Again I look to the left and lock eyes with a woman in a truck next to me. She starts to look away and then whips her head back, big time double take. Then she goes one step farther to reach over to the guy driving and point me out. What the? They are now both smirking at me and I’m thinking what is wrong with me? I drop down the visor and pop open the mirror. WOW, I have a lot of dirt on my face. And when I say a lot I mean a ton, it’s like I stuck my head into a bag of peat moss. My face must have numbed up because I didn’t feel it and everything seemed normal. JAY! Damn .. well I’m not going to knock all the crap off in the car so I figure who cares. It’s been on this long what’s it matter. I grab my phone and call Jay, “Dude! Why didn’t you tell me I had 5 pounds of dirt on my face?” “I thought you knew” .. you thought I knew? “Why would I leave it there?” “hmmm good one”” thanks buddy. “ He seemed like he really hadn’t thought about it, or he hid it well.

I’m almost home, can’t wait to get out of the car and squirt myself off with the hose. I’m a tired, sore, dirty mess and just want to lie down. I pull up to my road and I park on a pad behind my house which I have to access via my alley. I start to pull in and realize someone parked their truck in the alley. I’m not going to be able to make it down to my house. At this point I’m thinking of course, well maybe he’ll be down there and I can ask him to move. So, I hop out of the car and start walking down the alley, no shirt, no shoes, just my squeezers and my best impersonation of Swamp Thing. Though I don’t really thing about any of that until I see the guy and start to walk up to him. He has his back turned and looks to be an electrician working on someone’s AC unit. Now it starts to hit me, I look like a nut, this is going to be good. “Excuse me buddy, could you move your truck down a house or two so I can get to my parking pad? Still with his back turned “Umm sure” .. then he turns around. I almost laughed out loud. The look on his face was priceless, “yeah, sure man I’m real sorry about that”. When he left his house that morning I’m sure he wasn’t thinking he’d have a run in with Swamp Thing, and in his tights no less.

I'm the Man..

I was going to start putting down a few stories from the days of yore, or the back in the day days. But figured I'd better put this out there as it's always a major factor in many of my stories and will probably need to be stated so people have a good reference. Sooooo...

"I'm the Man!" .. or at least that is what pops in my head right before I decide to do something quite stupid. Not that I actually think that exact phase but that's the words I've given to that feeling I seem to get right before I do something really stupid. I'm sure there are many of you out there that know exactly what I mean.. weather you admit it or not! It's uncontrollable, though I do know it's there. And I always think, this time it won't pop up or will be controlled with common sense. How stupid I truly am.

When I'm blasting down a trail and see something that has no business being ridden, jumped, hopped or even gone near that little voice perks up. "YOU CAN DO THIS, LETS JUMP IT!" ..... I'M the MAN!". Only to realize I am so NOT the man. If I would be walking the trail and should see the said "something" I'd shake my head and think wow that looks crazy but I bet someone could jump that. Not even thinking that I should even attempt it, until, I'm on my bike. Pumped up from the ride, bombing a downhill, reacting more then thinking .. and that's when it pops in there. You have no chance to stop it, there is no common sense that that point. And why should there be, "I'm the Man!" remember.