Bring me the Water!

The last post reminded me of a funny story. It's a good one so I figured I'd post it next. First thing that needs to known about this story is my high liquid requirements when riding my bike. I mentioned before I sweat more then most, and with that I require a lot of liquid to replenish what I'm losing. If I run out of water my sanity follows pretty quickly.

A few years back (probably more then a few now that I think about it, I wasn't using a camelback then) BJ, Jay and I hit up Ptap for long Mtn Ride. Usually we do somewhere from 15 to 18 miles but this day we ended up rolling for 24 or so. Usually two 24oz bottles holds me over but it was stifling humid that day so I was running out quicker then usual. Now I say two bottles holds me over but that's actually not true. That is how many I would bring but I would then also drink most of the what BJ brought as well. BJ can typically ride the whole time only taking a drink once an hour which I can not even fathom.

We rode our normal loop but once we got back to the Xroads we dropped back down to the ridge trail. The trail then Y's off, left takes you to the waterbar section that leads down and out. Right takes you back towards the Xroads. I told them "we have to go left", but for some reason they were determined to head right. Usually I navigate through the trails, I know them all and have an excellent sense of direction. I tried to explain that if we go right we'll be back on top and will either have to head back out though the white or blue trails. To which I got the response "Cool!". "No, not cool, I'm almost out of water". I even held up a quarter full bottle, "this is all I have left and that is not enough to get me back up and over the ridge again". "You'll be fine" is all I got. I told them they have been warned but as they both wanted to go right, we went right.

By the time we got back to the top of the ridge I was out of water and starting to get hostile. "Wow, we are back at the X like you said!", .. "Yeah I know, that's what I said. But here we are and I have no water!" this all came out in a wild eye'd burst. Both of them looked at me like I was insane. But at this point I've lost most of my control, my brain is cooking and I'm starting to go a bit nutty. We started back toward the Horse Farm area where there is a little pavilion that I'm hoping has a water fountain or something .. anything.

We make it to the Pavilion area and realize something is going on .. it's a giant party. Music, a ton of people, food (you could smell it) and i can only imagine something to drink. We start to head through a little hole in the vines/fence and start looking for something to drink. Unfortunately it looked like it was a business outing and we certainly didn't match with the crowd. My water starved brain is in desperation mode and I'm close to just making a brake for it. I'm thinking I can just haul ass through the middle of the party, swipe a soda, water hell it could even be a beer at this point (coming from a guy that doesn't drink). But my friends seeing me looking longingly toward the tents reeled me in and we started walking around the area looking for something. We found something .. a garden hose. Have you ever drank out of a garden hose before? If you haven't I highly recommend you keep it that way. Plus it was a hose attached to a shed type thing, god only knows where the hell the water was coming from.

I first just start pouring it over my head which felt great. I was starting to come back from the edge. I drank a bit from it. At first it was great, but then I started to notice a funny taste. I commented about it and got "It's just the rubber taste from the hose, it's fine". Being so thirsty I didn't care and drank some more. I then proceeded to fill my water bottles and we bee lined it for the trail. As we are sitting there trying to figure out which way to go my throat starts to get all scratchy. I couch a few times and try to figure out what was going on. This leads me to look at my water bottles. I really wish I hadn't done that. It looked like the bottles were filled with sea monkeys. It was super cloudy and I don't even want to think about what it was floating around in there. And whatever was floating around in there was now floating around in my stomach. I almost threw up then and there, the only thing that stopped me was anger. I'm screwed. We are way into the trail and it's going to be a long ride out. "I hate you guys .. you know that right" to which they just laughed at me.

So back we head with me leading. We hit the blue/white trail heading toward the road and the swinging bridge. There is a long fast down hill that crosses over a few trails with some tight tight turns. By now I'm losing all control and cook into a corner way way way too hot. I skid sideways and to my credit keep the bike up while only bouncing into one tree which directed me back onto the trail. I come to a stop and after all that can't unclip. TIMBER! I fall over and can't seem to get myself untangled from the bike. Insert vulgar narrative number one here. I start cussing up a storm. Yelling at the bike, yelling at my wide eyed buddies and whatever else crossed my sight. I get up and proclaim "We go right here". I gave them both a look that said this is the trail we are taking, there are no change of plans, there are no other options just get on your bike and lets go.

This last part of the white trail takes you through a huge rock garden. It's a good kilometer long and is highly technical. Even on top form it will throw you around and always requires all your attention. At this point I was not on top form, I was a ragid angery man. Insert vulgar narrative number two here. I have no recollection of what I was saying but I unleashed a devastating Salvo of F bombs, carpet bombing of the like that hasn't been seen since WWII. It was loud, long and strong. Ever since that trip I have referred to that section as the Lunar Surface. Mid tirade I come to the section that leads you up and out of the rock garden blinded by a haze of crazy. I tilt my head up and see five little kids. They are just standing on the trail. Staring. They ranged from probably seven to about sixteen I'd guess and I had just unleashed the worse display of filth they had ever heard or will ever hear. I immediately come to my senses, I feel horrible. But what is there to do. As I ride by "Pardon my outburst of obscenity's" and I just keep riding.

BJ rides up and says damn man didn't you see them. Nope, not even remotely. "I was so fired up all I saw was red". Jay came up next and said don't worry about it.. they are all back there laugh right now. We all burst out laughing, I had to look nuts and at that point I probably actually was. "See, see what happens when I run out of water!". We exited the trail buy the restrooms which has a water fountain near by thankfully. I probably stood there for five mins mashing on that stupid foot pedal drinking. That was the best tasting water I've ever tasted. Sea Monkey Free.

So now when I mention I'm low on water during a ride... I have no shortage of water bottles jammed in my face.